I have some heavy news to share with you all. For the next several months, I’ll be battling cancer. The specific cancer is non-hodgkin's lymphoma (b cell). My doctor’s prognosis is optimistic and my family is hopeful. My family has an amazing support system. We have family support, deep relationships and friendships in our church community, and a rich faith that deals with the realities of human suffering head on.
Walking through this adversity with Jesus is everything to me. I know I’ll have Christ no matter the outcome of this journey. Yet I’m confident that I’ll beat this cancer. Not only because modern medicine has made this treatable, but because I still have fruitful labor to do—as a husband, father, friend, volunteer, son, brother, pastor, etc. (cf. Philippians 1:21-26).
More details about my health and how I found out is at the webpage below. Many of you will want to know how you can support my family during this time. First of all, please pray to the Lord Jesus with us. Pray for our faith, pray for my medical team, and pray for God’s glory to shine.
Second, please send all communication, inquiries to help, ideas to help, cards, etc. to the following:
Text messages: 651-964-0822 (please sign text messages with your name)
E-mails: Send Emails Here
Mailing Address: 1849 Marshall Avenue Saint Paul, MN 55104
I have a team of people at my church who will be helping me process communication and will give you guidance about how to help. They can answer any questions you have and give feedback on any ideas. It’s important you connect through the channels listed above rather than contacting my family directly so that I don’t have to manage the communication and support by myself.
I’m ready to face this with faith in the One who died on the cross, rose from the dead, and continues to make all things new!
The Story
I first noticed the lump in my neck at Universal Studios in line for a Harry Potter ride. Tracy and I stayed an extra day after a church conference in Orlando at the end of July. It was the middle of my sabbatical.
Before my sabbatical started, I filled out a sabbatical plan that focused on nine areas of health. One area was physical health and I committed to getting a physical. I decided if the lump was still there during my physical, I’d have the physician assistant (PA) take a look at it. I went to this physical the first Monday back at work from sabbatical (August 19th). The PA told me the lump was a swollen lymph node. He eventually sent me to get an ultrasound on my neck.
The ultrasound was inconclusive. The next step was a CT scan. By this time I discovered another swollen lymph node in my right shoulder. The CT scan ruled out a viral cause. So now a biopsy was required to determine the cause. On September 26th, a medical team took a biopsy from the lymph node in my right shoulder. The results would take up to five business days.
I went to another conference the following week at Camp Shamineau near Motley, MN. I agreed to be the emcee at the conference during sessions. Between that job, the wonderful content at the conference, and the beauty of central Minnesota during autumn, I almost forgot about the pending results that could come in at any time.
At the end of the first session, my cell phone went off in my pocket as I was closing the session in front of the conference. Once I finished, I went to my room to see who called. It was my PA with the results. I called him back right away. The initial results came in. “You have lymphoma,” said the PA.
I sat in my bunk feeling numb. I thought to myself, “What did he just say?” I searched “lymphoma” online to confirm what I already knew. I said it outloud in disbelief, “I have cancer.”
I decided to stay the night at the camp, finish emceeing two of the next three sessions, and then leave the conference a little early to go home. This would give me time to tell my wife Tracy in person before we picked up our kids from school.
When I got home, I drove Tracy to an appointment she’d scheduled prior to the conference. Once we returned home from that appointment, I grabbed Tracy’s hand while still in our van in the garage. “I have cancer,” I told her. She experienced the shock that most people feel when they find out my diagnosis, but with the intensity only a spouse can experience.
Until we found out more specifics about treatment and staging, we decided to only share the news with a close circle of family, friends, and church leaders. We even waited to tell our kids. The next couple weeks included tests and waiting. I had a PET scan, an echocardiogram, and a bone biopsy. Then we waited for the results.
Those results came on Wednesday, October 16th. I picked up my kids from school and was also picking up dinner. While in the parking lot with my kids in the van, I received a call from my oncologist.
He told me I had stage four cancer. I was shocked. We discussed the meaning of each stage. Stage one is when only a couple lymph nodes have cancer in one area; stage two is when the cancer is in two areas above the diaphragm; stage three is when the cancer is in lymph nodes above and below the diaphragm; and stage four is when the cancer has spread outside the lymph nodes. In my body, the test results showed that I had lymph nodes in my abdomen with cancer and my left collar bone also had cancer.
My oncologist went on to tell me his optimism based on other test results. The sub-type of this b cell lymphoma is a rapidly multiplying cancer, which is why it’s often caught in later stages. That rapid multiplication makes it really responsive to chemotherapy. My doctor said the sub-type, my age and health, and that there are no "b" symptoms (no fever, fatigue, weight loss, etc.) makes the prognosis really optimistic. This is a cancer than can and will likely be beat through chemotherapy.
My wife and I told our kids that evening. We gathered in our living room in front of the fireplace. I started the conversation reading a kid's devotional from Thoughts to Make Your Heart Sing. The specific devotional is called "Don't Be Afraid!" It is based on Matthew 14:27, “But Jesus spoke to them at once. ‘Don't be afraid,’ he said. ‘Take courage. I am here!’” (I’ll quote the devotional in the next section of this post).
When I finally said it, “I have cancer,” everyone had instant tears. I shared all the details, we talked about our hope in Jesus Christ, and we prayed together. We spent the rest of MEA weekend hanging out as a family and spending two days with extended family in southern Minnesota.
My first treatment of chemotherapy is on Tuesday, October 29th. I will get six treatments of chemotherapy every three weeks. About half way through, I'll get another PET scan to see how the cancer is responding. At the end of treatment, I'll get another PET scan and bone biopsy to determine if the cancer is destroyed. If everything goes according to plan, my treatment will wrap up at the beginning of Lent.
The Hope
My family’s faith in the Lord is not shaken. These are some heavy realities to go through, and it's hard, but walking through this suffering with Christ is everything to us. We're not afraid about whatever is ahead for us.
I’ve been preaching through the book of Philippians while all this has been going on. Philippians 1:21–26 continues to stick out to me:
21 For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain. 22 If I am to go on living in the body, this will mean fruitful labor for me. Yet what shall I choose? I do not know! 23 I am torn between the two: I desire to depart and be with Christ, which is better by far; 24 but it is more necessary for you that I remain in the body. 25 Convinced of this, I know that I will remain, and I will continue with all of you for your progress and joy in the faith, 26 so that through my being with you again your boasting in Christ Jesus will abound on account of me.
Paul is not facing cancer but a potential execution while in prison for his faith. Nonetheless, his faith in Christ even when facing a potential deadly situation resonates with me.
For Christians, the fear and sting of death is taken away because we gain Christ no matter what. Christ is with me if I beat cancer and he is with me if I don’t. Yet, although I don't fear death and know that I'll have Christ forever, I'm not convinced this cancer is going to beat me. Like Paul says, “I know I will remain, and I will continue with all of you.” I’m convinced I’m going to still “live for Christ” in all my various vocations. It’s not only the medical data that gives me this confidence. It’s also the drive to continue to bear fruit in Christ’s callings in my life.
Cancer is frightening and it's news that causes worry. My family is not facing this alone. Even more than the incredible extended family, friends, church, and medical team providing help, Jesus Christ is with us. His promise to be present is the most important reality in this journey. As the kid’s devotional from Thoughts to Make Your Heart Sing said:
Whenever God talks to his children in the Bible, do you know what he usually says first?
"Hello?" "How do you do?"
No. He says, "Don't be afraid!"
God must not want his children--even for a moment--living anxiously or afraid. He wants his children to trust him.
Are you worried about something today?
Is something frightening you?
God says to you, "Don't be afraid. I am with you. I will help you."
The one who not only died, but rose from the dead, is with me.
And because Christ is with me, I'm ready to face and to beat this cancer.
